In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
