there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
