Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
