Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I have vodka in my lungs
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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