I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
