Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
