I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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