I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
