I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize