what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
