at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
