why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
