Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
