Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize