You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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