Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
