i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
