Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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