On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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