he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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