how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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