I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
