she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
