I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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