I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
