Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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