"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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