I hate all girls vehemently.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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