My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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