so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
