She said her name was "party"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
