so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he thought i was a dude.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
