Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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