His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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