btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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