the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize