oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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