I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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