so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
