Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
