My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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