i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
