The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She said her name was "party"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
