You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
