sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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