I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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