apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
