it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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