This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
