I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize