Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I will pee on everything he values.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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