Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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