No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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