1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
