u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
