this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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