I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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