Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
