dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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