I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
