A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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