Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
