Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this just has baby written all over it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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