yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
