Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
