so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wear drunk well.
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