RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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