Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
