Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
