walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
