I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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