she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize