Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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