are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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