Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
